There may have only been three women who turned up to the Armidale Bowling Club last Thursday to watch the NSW Parliament’s official apology for past forced adoption practices, but the profound sense of loss and heartbreak felt during the apology was so moving it was as if the room was full of the thousands of women and children whose lives have been so utterly changed by the barbaric policies of the past.
The NSW Parliament apologised to mothers, fathers, people adopted as children and other family members who suffered from the forced adoption practices of the past.
“The NSW Parliament, on behalf of the people of NSW, expresses its great sorrow and remorse for the lasting damage these practices have caused in the lives of so many,” said NSW Premier Barry O’Farrell.
“Saying sorry can never change what happened. But it is our great hope that this sincere and heartfelt public apology will offer healing and comfort to those who have suffered because of the practices of the past.”
Armidale resident Jenny McMillan, who was forced to give up her child in 1979 at the Mater Hospital in Newcastle, a place that has been the focus of many forced adoptions, has found the last 30 years particularly difficult.
“I was drugged, legal counsel was denied me, the father’s parental rights were denied, my parents, mainly my mother, made is quite clear that the only option was to have the baby adopted,” said Jenny.
“I was removed from school when I was pregnant and mostly kept housebound.
“It has been difficult, a lot of people prejudge you or you feel you are prejudged when you say that you had a child that was adopted.
“It is very hard sometimes to tell your story without getting too emotional or feeling as though you are jumping on the bandwagon.”
For many years after the adoption, Jenny suffered from post traumatic stress disorder and has continuing ongoing health problems as a result of what she went through. Jenny married and has two children.
“I told my children when they were quite young about their older brother, so they have grown up knowing about him,” said Jenny.
Jenny has since discovered that legally, she could have had the adoption rescinded if she had acted within seven years of the adoption.
“I had no idea, I was denied legal counsel at the time of signing the paperwork and under the influence of drugs. Your senses were not what they should have been and you were told things that you were made to accept,” said Jenny.
Jenny has accepted what has happened but cannot say that she has forgiven.
“I take my hat off to the women that I have connected with, that have forgiven their parents,” said Jenny. “They have moved on to a much lighter place in their hearts.”
Jenny tracked down her son just after he turned 18 and they have set up a pattern of contact that is comfortable for both of them. Although the pain of the past is ever present, Jenny has come to find happiness, moving forward with her life and her family.
For Elizabeth Egan, who never knew her birth mother, last Thursday’s apology was very emotional and surreal to find herself and her family touched by this apology.
Elizabeth’s birth mother was 21 when she gave birth and, from information that she has obtained, was put on a train from Melbourne to Brisbane and appeared to be living in a women’s refugee in the early seventies. This is the only information that Elizabeth could obtain before her natural mother put in an objection to contact.
“She probably did that because of the shame and pain, hopefully this apology maybe helps her to think differently,” said Elizabeth.
“I was born in Brisbane and I know her name but, as the years have gone by, in this day and age I find it extraordinary that I don’t have a right to know who my father is and my children don’t have a right to know who their grandparents are.”
Elizabeth has had a happy upbringing, with wonderful opportunities and now has two children of her own.
“A very emotional time in my life was when my first child was born,” said Elizabeth.
“I know that I was six weeks old when I was adopted and those first six weeks with my daughter were incredibly emotional, because I couldn’t quite believe how you could actually give a baby away.
“My parents always told me that I was adopted from when I was very little and I have been able to read about and understand the pain of what women went through. I have never really had any animosity towards her.”
