Canberra, 2011. The nation’s most important cave dwellers, the Greens, are assembled in Parliament House to try Tony Abbott for opposing Green-Labor’s proposed Carbon Tax.
Inquisitor Bob Brown stands and looks malevolently at Mr Abbott. Shaking a bony finger at him, Bob Brown shouts, “So, Mr Abbott, do you still refuse to deny the doctrine of Al Gore whereby the earth is being destroyed by global warming — and treating with contempt the warnings of the all-knowing Tim Flannery that the eastern coastline of Australia will be flooded by 2020?”.
Mr Abbott looks straight at Mr Brown. He says, “Yes” to these terrible charges.
Inquisitor Brown narrows his eyes. “And do you agree with Professor Ian Plimer’s contention that the earth warms and cools cyclically? Do you subscribe to the anti-coal-tax views of the ‘hate media’, namely, “The Australian” and the Andrew Bolt Blog? And the views of the sceptics out there?”
Mr Abbott can only answer “Yes” to these dreadful accusations.
Inquisitor Brown is about to make a world-shattering observation on the obstinacy of those who do not accept the unscientific consensus that global warming is man-made, when — suddenly — the House is plunged into darkness. The cave dwellers gasp in terror. “Damn!” exclaims Inquisitor Brown, “Get those lights back on!”
From the darkness, Julia Gillard, assistant to the Inquisitor, stumbles her way into the room with a flickering candle. “What’s the problem?” she asks. “The wind- and solar-power systems have already kicked in.”
Great sobbing and cries of despair are heard from the cave dwellers.
CURTAIN.
Dr Paul Fidlon,
Armidale
