By Laura Wakely
“When I think of domestic violence I think of a dad hitting mum. I don’t think of a guy hitting his boyfriend.”
While he is lucky enough not to be a victim, Western suburbs resident Craig, who wants his surname withheld, has seen first-hand what domestic violence looks like.
As a homosexual man, he didn’t think it would ever affect him or his gay friends. But he was wrong.
Craig’s friend, Tom, whose name has been changed, said he had met the “perfect man” on holidays.
Soon after the new boyfriend had moved more than 300 kilometres to live with Tom, it was a “whirlwind romance” that seemed too good to be true.
Five months later, Craig found out it was.
“One night Tom came stumbling into my house, bloody and his nose was not quite right,” Craig said.
“Another time his shirt was torn and he had scratches all down his back.
“There’s punching, shoving, biting, slapping, scratching, yelling, screaming.”
Tom has told Craig that his boyfriend checks his emails, texts and Facebook page. He even controls what Tom wears and who he speaks to.
Craig said Tom is not ready to report or even acknowledge that he is experiencing domestic violence.
“All the campaigns are of women, there’s the line, violence against women, Australia says no,” Craig said.
“The expectation is a guy can defend himself against another guy. Whereas a woman, stereotypically, can’t.”
Gay and Lesbian Health Victoria researcher William Leonard has been involved in two studies at LaTrobe University that have examined domestic violence in gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and intersex (GLBTI) relationships.
His research found that one third of Victorian GLBTI people experienced domestic violence at some stage in their lives, while only 14 per cent had reported it to the police and 13 per cent were still in the violent relationship.
He said there was a “real need” to train mainstream services in GLBTI issues, as people would be more likely to report domestic violence if they knew a service was GLBTI friendly.
As for Tom, Craig isn’t sure if he’s ready to let go of what seemed like his fairytale. But Craig hopes he will soon.
For information or support on domestic violence in the GLBTI community visit www.antiviolence.info
To report domestic violence contact Victoria Police on Triple-zero.
